you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
