: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
