O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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