i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
