As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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