the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
