whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
