if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
