I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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