trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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