There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
