Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
