i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
