overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
