He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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