youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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