well you can't waste a boner
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
