You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
