moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
