just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Success! We fucked roommates!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
