Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
