wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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