I think im going to throw up on grandma
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
