I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
