Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
