I love black thongs
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
