Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
