im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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