ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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