Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
