Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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