508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
