OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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