We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
