Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
