You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
