I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
