I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
