I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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