Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
