My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
