I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
