good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
