I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
