I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
