do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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