he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
