I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
