Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
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