I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I could fuck to npr.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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