When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
