I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
