'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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